Emails To The Guy I Bought A Grandfather Clock From After I Went Inside Of It And Am Now Trapped In A Long Hallway
The news tonight is: an email filled with more emails
To: time_emperor@clockmakersparadise.com
From: Me
Subject: Possible Hallway in Clock?
Hey dude, it’s me, the person who bought the huge grandfather clock from you at the flea market a couple weeks ago. How’s it going, man? Hope you don’t mind me emailing you. Anyway, I had some questions about the clock. Some pretty weird shit just happened, and I feel like the clock…maybe has something to do with it?
So, here’s the thing: I’m currently inside of the clock, I think? Like, I opened the door of it and got inside, as a joke. But it’s WAY more of an actual room in here than it probably should be? Actually it’s sort of a…hallway. A really long hallway that just goes on and on and on, which is weird because, from the outside, it doesn’t seem like much would fit in there!
I know, I know—the ONE thing you warned me about when I bought the clock was, “NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, DO NOT STEP INSIDE THIS CLOCK.” Remember? How you sort of yelled it and your eyes fucking rolled back into your head? At the time, I was like, “Whoa! I won’t!” But if I’m being honest, it REALLY made me want to try and go in there, because, like, lol, you know? I wasn’t going to do it until I had, like, half of a CBD beverage and I guess it went the fuck to my head hahaha because I looked at the clock and was like, “What if I went in there?” I wasn’t going to stay very long, I just wanted to see if I could fit!
And I did! REALLY easily. In fact, I sort of FELL in, and then the door disappeared and, well, yeah, now I’m just…in the middle of this extremely long hallway. Which, like…brings me to why I’m emailing you. So, I know I can go in there, which you told me not to do (sorry!!), but uh, y’know, now that I AM in here…where am I? Do you have any idea where I am right now, dude? It looks like an old house, but it’s really dark. The hallway goes on for a long time and there’s like 70 other grandfather clocks lining the walls and they’re all just GOING OFF with their chiming! It’s really loud!
Let me know if you know where I am, and thanks! Sorry!
Audrey Farnsworth
To: time_emperor@clockmakersparadise.com
From: Me
Subject: Re: Possible Hallway in Clock?
Hey dude? It’s me again, from the first email. Emailing you again since you never got back to me (sorry). So I’ve been walking down the hallway and…it REALLY doesn’t end, man. Like it just keeps going and going and going. Long hallway, doesn’t end. I was thinking about trying to go into one of the other clocks and maybe that would lead me out back into my apartment? Do you think it would or is that so stupid? Or. Oh shit, do you think it would just lead me to…someone else’s apartment? Maybe you sold multiple grandfather clocks to multiple people and these ones lead into one of THEIR homes? Let me know about all of this.
Thanks,
Audrey Farnsworth
To: time_emperor@clockmakersparadise.com
From: Me
Subject: Re: Re: Possible Hallway in Clock?
Hey… so I went into one of the other clocks because I kind of panicked and was like fuck it and now I’m in a similar hallway to the last one except that now everything is upside down. Do you advise going into one of the doors of THESE new clocks in the new hallway or do you think by continuing to do this, I’m just becoming further and further away from my actual reality? Really don’t have any other options here and I’m starting to get kind of hungry, and I do NOT make good decisions when I’m hungry, so I’d really appreciate your guidance.
Thanks!
Audrey Farnsworth
To: time_emperor@clockmakersparadise.com
From: Me
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Possible Hallway in Clock?
Hey. So, I went into the door of one of the new clocks and entered a new hallway where all of the clocks were sideways. And then I went into one of THOSE clocks and arrived in a hallway where all of the clocks were on fire. And I went into one of THOSE clocks and was in a NEW hallway where all of the clocks were actual cartoons, so I went into one of those ones and…now I’m in a new hallway but it’s just like ONE HUGE CLOCK that’s all the walls, but it doesn’t have a door. However, it DOES lead to a cave with a sign above it that reads “The Clockmaker’s Paradise.” Isn’t that what your business is called? Should I go in there? I’m probably going to go in there. That could be your house, for all I know. Is that your house? Is that your house, dude? Please, man, can you just do me a favor and let me know where I am? Am I in front of your house?
Audrey Farnsworth
Emails To The Guy I Bought A Grandfather Clock From After I Went Inside Of It And Am Now Trapped In A Long Hallway
It’s all true
The path you have taken describes my place to a cue, but here at blanketsin dot com, we only furbish cuckoo clocks. Never heard of "The clockmaker's paradise". This town... every now and again somebody (passersby) removes the blanketsin shop sign and replaces it with something else, usually Sapporo beer cans. I currently have the fridge stocked up with Heineken beer. You're more than welcome to drop in, when I'm home. We'll get you hydrated and puffy!