I became obsessed with people replying to KFC on F*cebook

The villagers are upset!!!

I don’t use F*cebook. In fact, I deleted my F*cebook awhile ago, only to recently create a new one only to “follow” my mom’s memory care facility, because they would often post pictures of the residents doing activities and going on little outings. Other than that, I don’t use it.

However, I was doing research for an article about international KFC menu items (in which I will certainly be expecting a Pulitzer for), and suddenly became completely fucking obsessed with people commenting on photos posted by the official KFC F*cebook page.

Did you know about this? Did you know that people do this? Don’t you dare answer me. It’s mesmerizing. Like, I know the website is known for being deranged, but I didn’t expect THIS. I read them aloud to my dad as we drove.

And it all started with this one:

This is the one that reeled me in.

I really respect this comment. I don’t know what it’s talking about. I haven’t seen this commercial, but if I had, I would be doing the same thing as her—asking KFC to explain it to me. Did they k*ll a kid in their commercial? Is this implying that wings are made of children? Did I look at the 7 replies? No! I journeyed onward. What else was fucking happening here on this fast food chicken restaurant official page?

I started to see that, a lot of the time, people are just making pleas to KFC to bring back their favorite items, like hungry villagers crying out at a responsible KFC nobleman passing by on a horse. This particular man just wants them to bring back corn on the cob and three people agree with him.

Another villager laments about the banana pudding, which has been missing. I suppose it’s nice that they’re just saying it in (what seems to be) a calm way, which is what brings me to believe they are cries (as opposed to angry shouting).

This comment is definitely someone speaking out at a town hall, of sorts. And although it’s said in a calm way, it’s proof that the villagers are becoming more agitated. This person has clearly really been thinking about how wings have been getting all of the attention from KFC lately. They don’t just want wing updates from KFC — what about the other products? KFC is taking things away from them — things they want to pay for, but can’t. And it’s possible that KFC is being ran into the ground because of this.

Uh oh, somebody let a drunk guy into the town hall during the biscuit presentaton! I imagine him shouting this from the back, slurring his words. He’s clearly just hurt — he uses the qualifier “at times,” to cushion the blow, being clear that he doesn’t mean to imply that KFC always sucks. Only at times. One of the guards calmly removes him from the building with ease, walks him home, and helps him to bed.

Meanwhile, back at the town hall, things are actually going great.

The villagers have remembered how important KFC is to them, it appears! Sometimes, it just takes the love of a son.

Oh my good christ, there is a person speaking from the rafters! Is it…sorry, it that Batman? It sort of sounds like fucking Batman, saying these exact words from the rafters of the town hall meeting. Suddenly lightning crashes and there’s a crack of thunder — we see an outline of the figure above. It’s simply a shadow and it might not actually be Batman, but it’s definitely a guy wearing a cape. This could be a Robin Hood type, here to protect a village of youths who do not understand what KFC used to be, and could be again, should they change their new low-quality ways. Once a top fan, this KFC Robin Hood will stop at nothing to bring light to the several, showing them what KFC once was … and should be again.

Oh lord, the villagers have gone mad. The Robin Hood figure has empowered them! They even apear to be turning on each other now.

Things have really gotten out of hand. The villagers are yelling at each other; some want KFC to do better, others call for acceptance that KFC is simply not what it used to be. A villager has climbed a pillar and begins shouting instructions about post-pandemic baked beans at the panicked KFC noblemen onstage. He’s not angry, but he is speaking quite forcefully.

Welp, the news is outside and a village journalist is now reporting on the story. Geez, this really took a turn for the worse. I should probably get out of here, the scene has gotten really aggressive.

I’ll check in on the village in a few months to see how they’re doing.