they took away the news
dear readers,
audrey here, back with some shit, for your email. it is with a heavy heart that i send this letter, because at 2pm on wednesday, january 2nd, 2019, the KTLA los angeles local news went dark, for me, specifically. it also went dark for others with my cable service, but to be completely honest, i am the only person i know who watches the local news (and, therefore, the only person i believe to be affected by this). in fact, when i tell people who don't know me very well (and i do this a LOT) that i like the local news, they usually laugh at me and say something like, "what," to which i, then, always reply: "what."
as always, i interviewed myself about this.
why do you watch the local news?
because i like it.
but why is THIS station so special?
look, it's not, i guess. not really. however, let me take that back, IT'S VERY SPECIAL. it is extremely casual--in my personal opinion, this show is run by a director who is constantly asleep or doesn't show up to work at all, and therefore everything is always in disarray. also, in all honesty, there's a sincerity about this news station that makes me smile, in that everyone is always just kind of doing whatever they want while also treating the broadcast like it's the single most important thing to ever exist.
it's a little weird that you're so into this.
no, it's not.
if you love the news so much, why don't you marry it.
that's actually illegal, you clown.
here's what we (i) know (barely):
caught in the crossfire of a nasty disagreement between two companies with a shit ton of money refusing to cower to each others demands, my dear and sweet KTLA has been taken away from my TV. look, i don't know the details--there's no way to know, unless one were to read up on the matter extensively, and dear fucking god, why would i EVER do that. the answer is i wouldn't, and no one should. regardless, it's gone and my mornings have grown quiet, just like that movie "a quiet place" (of which i have not seen. is it about news? is it about me? i'm going to assume yes).
either way, this is a war that, seemingly, has no end--with both sides throwing intricate punches of sentences that sound like they're being said by a knight in a fairytale at each other:
"Driven by greed."--Spectrum
"Simply untrue."--KTLA
that's right--they're actually NOT driven by greed, you see. it's simply untrue. that said, i'd like to bring attention to the single most ridiculous statement of absolutely everything said above:
...????????????????? what? are you sure??
here's what's been done so far (by me):
i've done all that i can, at this point. for example, when it first happened, i posted 5 Instagram stories complaining about it to, essentially, myself. when that didn't work (????), i went to twitter, and asked KTLA (politely) for a job several times, so that i could view their broadcast each day in person.
i was ignored.
then, i called the number listed on their website (shown below).
I called this stupid number, and you know what happened? You'll never believe this because it is absolutely insane, but,
...nothing. nothing happened! IT WAS A REGULAR ROBOT.
THEY DIRECTED ME TO THE REGULAR PHONE NUMBER WEARING A DISGUISE OF "1-855-LUV-KTLA." wow. WOW. are you KIDDING me? wow.
the bottom line
look, we (i) have tried everything there is to try. and frankly, i'm exhausted. i can't keep doing this public service and look after my own well-being. it's too much for one person to keep up with. however, if the news doesn't come back soon, i will be forced to be my own news. i will just have to create the news myself.
to recap, the news is gone and "a quiet place" is about me. for more of my incredible coverage of the local news that definitely ISN'T a giant waste of time, you can go here.
be right back,
audrey
CONTACT (FUN!)
IG: @audipenny
Twitter: @audipenny
Most Recent Thing: I Interviewed My Coworkers Moms And Also My Own Mom And They Put It On The Front Page Of A Running Website
Actual address: [redacted]
Actual phone number: [redacted]
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